Impure Thoughts #5: The Way People Talk on The CB

Impure Thoughts #5: The Way People Talk on The CB

Impure Thoughts #5: The way people talk on the CB.

“UUUUUNNNNGGGHHHH….YALL GON GO YONDER AND DO THAT THANG AND GIT THAT THANG CHING CHANG WONG WONG…!!!!”

“UUUUNNNGGH HUH! DAS WHUT WE GON’ DO DRAAHVUH!”

I hate it. I can’t stand to listen to Channel 19 most of the time. I’m one of those guys who pulls up to the backup in the highway, and doesn’t know what’s going on. I just can’t stand to listen to it for more than a few minutes at a time.

It seems to me that people from down south go out of their way to notch up their accents a lot, and sound even more retarded. When you talk to them on the ground, they don’t sound that stupid, but my God, put a CB mic in front of a guys face, and his IQ drops 50 points, the volume of his voice increases 50 decibels.

Stop going out of your way to sound stupid. You know who you are.

The first thing they teach you in the military is that when you are communicating over an electronic device, it is very important to speak clearly in order to be understood. They even have a whole "phonetic alphabet" to aid this clarity. "A" is Alpha, and words and numbers that sound similar are given different names to avoid confusion. Five is simply "Five" but because it sounds a lot like nine, nine is then called "niner". That's where that comes from. A need for clarity. Clear communication is essential to accomplishing anything be it ordering someone to mop a floor and do 50 push ups, or giving directions on a CB. With as many people who claim to be SUPER DUPER FORCE RECON GRUNTS INFANTRY SECRET KILLER veterans, you’d think more people would know that, and abide by it.

Just talk normally already.

Oh, wait, most of those stories are crap too. Nobody was a cook, or a supply guy, or a truck driver. Except me.I just drove trucks. Still do in fact. And I still talk normally.

I don’t mind a little reverb and echo, and in fact use it myself. But to yell into the mic constantly, and constantly babble on about nothing at all takes something that’s supposed to be a tool, and turns it into a toy. A toy for morons.
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